


Why Does the Plant Scream

by kattastic99



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Fae & Fairies, Monster Apartments AU, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattastic99/pseuds/kattastic99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelvin is a weird alien fae thing and he has weird alien fae emotions and weird alien fae thoughts, and he realizes that three of the people he cares about belong to a quartet and he decides to befriend the fourth person. It does not go super smoothly, in part because he's an awkward mess and in larger part due to him believing a wailing mandrake is an awesome gift idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Does the Plant Scream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jujukind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jujukind/gifts), [supercasey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercasey/gifts).



Sometimes, when he was alone with the exception of his many many plants, Kelvin would be still while he thought. He never really thought about anything in particular to start with, he never had an issue he was thinking on solutions for. He just thought, and he allowed them to drift where they would. Kelvin found this exercise to be very beneficial to his general mental well-being, as well as useful for preparing for social interaction problems he might end up having. Unfortunately, his thoughts sometimes drifted into spheres that he would rather they didn't, and he would come to realizations that he was upset by. Sometimes his thoughts drifted into a dark, dark place, and he fell into a spiral of highly unpleasant memories and old feelings. Being a fae, Kelvin's emotional range was entirely alien and unlike the usual humanoid emotional range, to such a degree that the concepts of positive and negative emotions for Kelvin did not align with those for humans. He was genuinely incapable of developing depression, or even self hatred. But he was capable of feeling emotions and thoughts that, in terms humans would understand and emphasize with, amounted to self image issues. He was also capable of something akin to regret, as well as displeasure in regards to his own actions. Although the source of displeasure was over reasons humans would find odd at best and highly disturbing at worst. 

It was a windy and cloudy morning when Kelvin went into one of his thinking trances that resulted in him fully realizing a concept that he had long had all the pieces of information for, but had never put together into the realization that was difficult to parse into words. Tom and Tord were both people who Kelvin cared about who had informed Kelvin that they would prefer if the relationship they had with him would be expressed in forms of human like romance and sexual activities, and Kelvin called them his datemates. However, Tom and Tord were also both in a four person polyamorous relationship, one which Kelvin had even acquired a cactus to personify as was fae tradition. On top of that, Edd was another person that Kelvin cared about, and Edd had so far expressed that he would prefer their relationship to follow more along the lines of platonic friends and or a student/mentor form, and that was perfectly fine and everybody was happy with it. However, Kelvin did not care about Matt. The realization he came across on that cloudy morning was that he _wanted to_. Upon realizing this, Kelvin immediately examined that desire and tried to figure out why. It was a matter of moments before he figured out that he didn't actually care about a very large number of people at all, and three of the people he cared about all loved Matt. Kelvin's desires in a relationship were to indulge in and satisfy the desires of the person he cared about, and although Kelvin did sometimes desire to form a relationship of any kind with certain people he had yet to figure out what that desire was or where it came from. This one, at least, he knew to be born of a desire to become closer to three people he cared about very much by becoming close with another person who the three of them all shared a relationship with. This was enough for Kelvin to want to befriend Matt. The problem, however, was that Kelvin is phenomenally bad at forming relationships of any kind whatsoever. They either just happened, like his friendship with Edd, or he tried to instigate it himself with absolutely disastrous results. 

This was not enough to stop him and it never would be.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Step one to forming a relationship, as far as Kelvin had learned in the centuries since he'd met Tord and actually started learning how to people, was to approach the person and tell them you wanted to form a friendship. This was guaranteed to make things awkward but believe it or not it was better than the alternative because if he didn't tell them, they'd assume he was attempting to lure them into a very unfair arrangement. 

"Good morning, Matt!" Kelvin spoke up, breaking the silence in Edd and Matt's living room. Matt almost fell out of the couch he'd been reclining in while reading a book because it was currently two thirty seven in the morning and Kelvin hadn't actually used their front door, he'd come in through the hole in the wall that opened into Tom and Tord's apartment. 

"Bloody hell, Kelvin!" Matt said a little louder than he needed to, "you scared the crap out of me! Why are you even AWAKE?" 

Kelvin just smiled, pearly white too-sharp teeth on full display. "I don't have a sleep cycle that follows a twenty four hour cycle, courtesy of growing up in another dimension. Which is kind of an almost halfway decent segue into why I'm here!" It was not and he knew it, but he didn't really care. "You and I barely know each other, despite both of us caring very much about Edd, Tom and Tord, and I realized that I actually wanted to change that. Not entirely sure why, but my feelings about the other three are definitely a factor. So, I'd like to go on a walk with you!" Kelvin clasped his hands in front of him, several inches away from his body at chest level. He was also smiling, and doing his best to come off as innocent and welcoming and friendly. He failed miserably, of course, because his head was tilted and his smile was way too wide and clearly forced and it all came together to make him look like a serial killer. 

"Kelvin, it's like two thirty in the morning. It's also the middle of July, in the middle of a heat wave, in London. Why would you want to walk in pitch black tepid soup?" Matt had rested his book down on his chest, although he laid it open pages down so his body would act as a temporary bookmark. 

"Okay well, assuming you're actually asking here, you are a vampire and I am a dazzlingly attractive Seelie fae who gathers an honestly uncomfortable amount of stares and attention in the general public, so I figured that walking in the broad daylight in the middle of London would be a hilariously bad idea. Although I was also fully planning on suggesting we shift into our other forms and fly somewhere less developed, where there's actual nature, using the cover of darkness for safety." Lengthy exposition almost always broke Kelvin's concentration on whatever emotional body language he was attempting and pulled him back to a calm, clinically neutral stance and this time was no different. 

Matt could only respond in one way: "I will have you know that I am far more handsome than you, and I get much more attention." Then he paused to work through the rest of what Kelvin said. "Although you're right, too much attention, while certainly NEVER a bad thing, can get in the way of things sometimes. And your suggestion of using the cover of darkness to go somewhere less populated and developed by human landscaping isn't bad either, if a midnight walk is something you really want to do." 

"It's actually a two in the morning walk," Kelvin pointed out. And exactly two seconds later he said "Oh wait, that's an expression isn't it? Sorry." 

Matt just gave him a look, one which Kelvin absolutely did not understand the emotional connotations of in the slightest. "What's your motivation here, Kelvin? And more importantly, what implications does that motivation have? Is this something that is a drain on you or your energy or resources, and if it is in any way what form of compensation or repayment am I signing up for in participating in this outing?"

The fae blinked in slight surprise. Usually he had to explain the finer details of how fae shit worked, but Matt already had it down. "Um. It would be considered a mutual outing, which would actually require ME to provide equal resources and energy as you if I receive any benefit from it, which I absolutely will considering this is a request; as the instigator, the event occurring successfully is by itself sufficient reward to require me to provide equally to the necessities of the outing. You would not have to pay or give anything in return beyond what you contribute to the outing. Also, I fully plan on giving you a gift during this walk, which if rejected would usually be considered an insult back home? But, I would not personally consider it an insult although I would be a little bummed, I guess." As he talked, Kelvin counted on his fingers, using the index finger of his right hand to tap the fingertip of the digits he was counting with. When he was done, Kelvin looked up at Matt to see his reaction.

Matt had listened carefully, and when Kelvin finished he nodded. "Alright, that sounds okay. I'll go on a walk with you, Kelvin." 

Aside from quiet and excited clapping, and a squealing happy sound, and also bouncing on the balls of his feet a little, and grinning widely, Kelvin reacted subtly. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The flight was no longer than fifteen minutes, so when they landed on a road next to the natural borders of a small forest the sun was still many hours away from rising. They had gone outside first and then shifted after finding a narrow alley. At first, Matt was slightly confused as to why Kelvin insisted on waiting until Matt had shifted and then went further into the alley where Matt couldn't see him. After all, it wasn't like Matt had yet to see his Unseelie form, and even if he hadn't them flying together would make it impossible for him not to. It wasn't until he heard the sounds of bones snapping and skin splitting that he understood that Kelvin was hiding his actual shift, for reasons Matt could only assume were to spare him from seeing something that would make him vomit. The sounds alone had him gagging. But they made it to a much smaller city in no time, and were back to their sexy selves as soon as Kelvin ducked through a large gap in the sheet metal fencing along the road and into the forest so he could shift back. 

However, Kelvin didn't come back. For a minute, Matt just figured that shifting back took Kelvin longer, but after five minutes he realized that Kelvin wasn't coming back. Now, if this had happened even just a month ago, Matt would have bailed and left Kelvin to whatever situation he was in. But Edd really liked Kelvin, the fae was actually really helpful with Edd's magic and basic potion making was something Edd really enjoyed and which Kelvin was happy to teach. Not to mention that if Kelvin ended up dying because Matt abandoned him, Tom and Tord would be..... Well, upset wasn't the word for it. A perfectly even mixture of near debilitating grief and pure murderous rage just about wrapped up the cocktail of horrors Matt would face if Kelvin died because of him. And, if someone really really pressed him, Matt would admit that Kelvin wasn't that bad a guy and leaving him to a potentially dangerous situation would be a dick move. 

It was at the precise moment Matt decided he couldn't leave that Kelvin returned, holding in his arms..... A plant. A plant that was writhing in apparent discomfort, or at least that's what it seemed like to Matt considering the writhing child sized abomination was constantly emitting an unearthly moaning wail. "I got it!" Kelvin said happily while holding the miserable thing by its. Head? Leaves? HAIR?

"What..... Is that?" Matt asked with a tone that clearly expressed his revulsion. Unfortunately for him, Kelvin had an even greater difficulty picking up on Matt's emotions than he did everyone else, because unlike humans and almost all monsters Kelvin also used his advanced senses to pick up on the very faint pheromones most people emitted to help him with picking up emotions, and Matt did not produce pheromones because he was an undead blood sucking nightmare with a very pretty face.

"Oh, you don't know?" Kelvin asked, his smile genuine as he shifted his hold on the thing, supporting it with both of his arms outstretched in a way somewhat reminiscent of a forklift. "It's a mandrake! It's a really rare plant, I'm so lucky to have found it here! The sound it makes when it's first pulled out of the ground can potentially be fatal! Thankfully I'm immune, and it was just deep enough in the woods that its screams were muffled!" 

Matt was shaken, very much so, mostly because the damn abomination was writhing in Kelvin's arms and moaning, always moaning, always always always moaning as if the mere act of existing was thoroughly unpleasant for it. "People die?" Matt's voice was low, afraid, unsettled. Kelvin prattled on, oblivious to the vampire's discomfort. 

"It's quite poisonous, too, but if you detox it properly it can become an all purpose medicine. It's also very useful in all manner of alchemical solutions and powerful magical drafts, so it's very valuable." Ever present was the unearthly wail the mandrake emitted, but then Matt realized the mandrake was making another sound. The sound of its own thick plant flesh moving as it writhed. 

Kelvin suddenly lifted his arms, holding the squirming thing towards Matt. "You can have it!" The fae said with a smile. Matt just froze while Kelvin continued talking. "I told you earlier, after all; I wanted to give you a present. This mandrake is a present, a contribution to the growth of our developing friendship!" 

Matt stood, silent, as the mandrake continued to pathetically moan and wriggle around. Its thin, vine like arms flailed around in search of something to hold, or maybe just to flail. Its arm soon bumped against Kelvin's wrist, and it wrapped around the fae's arm while its two root legs kicked hard enough to make the whole thing wiggle.

"I don't want it."

**Author's Note:**

> So this took a downright obscene amount of time for me to do, and it was also only supposed to be a short quick drabble. It didn't stay that way for very long and I have nobody to blame but myself. I'd apologize for gumming the fandom up with my oc garbage but you know what? I'm proud of my apathetic meat bug, I put so much energy into developing this character for the Monster Apartments AU and I will not apologize for making him. The whole damn thing was inspired by  
> http://bogleech.tumblr.com/post/142716453988/jelloapocalypse-justintaco-what-is  
> This tumblr post. The one I linked just above these words. 
> 
> I WILL apologize for Kelvin being a DORK though because he is absolutely a dork.
> 
> ANYWAYS, comments are always very much appreciated, so if you liked literally anything about this fic then please leave a comment. Unless you don't want to, I guess, I'm not gonna, like, come to your house and steal your fruit punch if you don't.


End file.
